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| How many of my motorcycle lovin’ friends out there have been awakened
in the middle of a very sound sleep, maybe even after you’ve just
counted that 10,000th sheep in a desperate attempt to nod
off, by John Q. Asshole who is winding up his trusty V-twin with aftermarket
pipes, as he flies down the street in front of your three-bedroom
mortgage payment at two in the morning? Now all of you Harley owners don’t shoot me yet, I’m just asking some questions here. I realize it is your God given right to have loud pipes and you’re just exercising your freedom of expression, and fuck the establishment, and (You can add any other groups of authoritarian, non-understanding old people here, if you like), the horse they rode in on. Now I will be the first to admit that at such times, I cherish my God given right to own a hand gun, but before I can get fully awake and locate the bullets, I fall back to sleep while I hear Mr. Asshole roar off into the distance. And besides, it’s a safety issue, isn’t it? Loud pipes save lives. Uh huh. Sure they do. Good riding skills, lack of traffic, good brakes, wheel alignments, and lots of luck, those things save lives. There seem to be plenty of bikers, with both loud pipes and quiet, who are dead at the end of the year, so I wouldn’t bet my whole paycheck on the loud pipes theory. Does anyone actually have any hard evidence for the “loud is safer” argument? I do hear the load pipes when they get right up behind me or to one side and behind me, but I hear them even more when they get in front of me, which makes sense. 12 guys once passed me on the freeway and their pipes were so loud that I think they actually broke the sound barrier. I mean that. They must have because I couldn’t hear a thing for about 30 minutes after they left. Nice guys though. They waved at the non-Harley guy. If I might “birdwalk” here a minute, some safety studies can be a hoot also. I am reminded of the study I once saw that showed that the insurance company rated the Corvette four times more dangerous than the Volvo, based on accidents per 100,000 miles. Right, like the people who buy Corvettes drive the same way those who own Volvos do. Corvette markets speed to the young and Volvo markets safety to the family driver. Switch drivers and the Corvette would come out about twice as safe as the Volvo, I would guess. Those two groups could both be riding goats and the Corvette owners would still have more accidents! Wanna bet on that one? They should change that bumper sticker to read, Corvettes don’t kill people, people kill people. By now I’m sure you think I’m against loud pipes. Loud pipes are a real pain in the butt and they should be banned, Right? Well, maybe not. All of you reading this who own a motorcycle whose pipes are quieter than a fart in a crowded room, let’s be honest for a minute, shall we? When they aren’t waking you in the middle of the night, don’t you really love the rumble and rap of a set of aftermarket pipes on a Harley? Don’t you get a little pipe envy when all the young chicks looks with admiration at the guy on the Road King winding off into the distance while they pay no attention at all to your Goldwing? Oh sure, you can give them all the reasons in the world that you bike is better mechanically, and that loud pipes are an annoyance that hurt us all. But in your heart you can see the look in their eyes and know you’re talking to yourself. Quiet pipes just aren’t sexy enough for the young. It’s when you actually start to lose your hearing that it becomes important to you. And they won’t believe you even if you tell um. I was just reading an article in MC Consumer news and it informed me that my current ride is one of the quietest stock motorcycles on the market. I like that. That’s part of why I like my ride, it’s smooth, it’s powerful, it's dependable, and it’s quiet. My wife and I were touring south of Jackson Hole, WY and we were at that perfect speed where the torque and speed of the Wing combined to allow the motor and pipes to just quietly whisper. There was little noise besides the wind, to disturb that sunset ride towards the Tetons. My wife said to me, Isn’t this beautiful? I had to agree, and noisy pipes would have ruined the mood and the experience, at least for me. That doesn’t mean I don’t wish for a little rumble myself, now and then. I just don’t happen to want if everyday. A couple of years ago, my family went to Maui for a week. Of course I wanted to see the island on a motorcycle so I rented a bike. Not just any bike, my friends, but a Harley Fatboy (OK, Let’s not have any smirks from those who know me. I’m trying to loose weight.). This thing was a real beauty; purple metallic, chrome everywhere, and cleaner than your mother’s formal china. It also had a nice set of aftermarket pipes that made it possible to know where I was on that island within five miles from where you were standing. Loud pipes….yes. But in my heart of hearts, I enjoyed the rebellious flashback to my youth and that sound. That was for the first three hours and then I found that I kind of wished I could turn them off for a while. Then, of course, I discovered the other part about loud pipes… within a certain range; the rider can control the degree of loudness. And I guess for me that’s kind of the issue with loud pipes. I surely did enjoy that Harley ride and the pipes, and the attention that both got me. But there were also those who obviously didn’t like the sound and at those times I found that I tried to back off….at least, most of the time. There was that stupid woman who meandered across the street in front of me while I’m trying to slow down and keep the bike balanced and she just looked at me and went even slower and rather than stop and put my feet down, I rapped the living shit out of those pipes and she scooted across the street in short order. I’m only guessing now, but I predict that she doesn’t like loud pipes and may have even written an editorial to her local Maui paper about why they should be banned. That assumes, of course, that she knows how to write, which is an assumption I’m unwilling to make. Anyway, I digress. When I was on the back roads of Maui, I could crank that Fatboy up some. When I was in town, I toned them down so that just that mellow Harley sound (You know, that sound that people have come to believe a motorcycle should sound like), was what people heard. Dare I say that I was trying to be thoughtful of others. If I were a religious fanatic, which I’m not, I might say, “Do unto others….etc. It may be my right to own a lawnmower, but I try not to cut my lawn at three in the morning. It’s the same with winding up those pipes. If we can just get those who love their loud pipes and who spend a fortune on them to exercise a little judgment and consideration for their fellow man, I think it would do much to ease some of the tension. Of course, people have been complaining about motorcycle pipe noise since the 1920’s. Now if you’re just one of those folks who live mainly for themselves and could give a tinker’s damn about what the rest of us think, I hope the bank repossess your ride. Anyway, that’s my rant. If you think I’m totally full of crap, please let me know. I will probably ignore your email since we all like to hear from people who agree with us and think we’re right on. If you think I’m right on, please let me know and I will be glad to write back and say what a smart individual you are. Actually, I try to answer all my email, if possible, and I’m just kidding about not answering those who disagree with me. Now get outta here and go ride your motorcycle (The brand is not important), and keep it down, OK? |
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